The Fight

My fight or flight kicks in & I have a sudden wave of nervousness as we start pranayama breathing & within the 1st set the sweat is running, not dripping, off my elbows.

The Flight
Oh shit, I think to myself, it is going to be one of those classes today, great. Followed by the immediate thought of can I even handle this today & will they let me come back if I run out of the room screaming?

The Fight
I tell my practice as much as it wants to own me & yes, there are days it does 100% own me, has me leaving in tears owns me - I want to be here, I want to be strong in my body and in my mind. I recall how it heightens my ability to manage every other aspect in my life & do it collected and at peace. It reignites a competitiveness within myself in a way that only my high school basketball coach could channel.

I choose to stay & fight. I don't always win but I know I'm building something better.

Why I'm giddy about Saturday night

A new dress that hugs the best of me & hides the not so best
April coming over early to give me big hair
Seeing my peeps all together & being so excited to be reunited
My babies with a sitter they LOVE
My hottie hubs looking at me all night like he first did 12 years ago
My camera - which always seems to record a TMZ like video & take 1,000 close ups
Martinis
Shakin my money maker
Laughing till I cry

Knock, Knock, Knock

"Can Isaac play?"

In a quick flash shoes, walkie talkies & two juice boxes leave the house.

So happy about his new friend...a bit older, very polite, helpful with building independence, street crossing activities, promotion of outdoor & imaginary play, all topped off with that he lives right next door.

I spent my whole life playing outside - climbing trees, riding bikes, pretending to battle something or save the day...yes, I should have been a boy. As a result I have major hang ups with living in a city, in a subdivision & having basically no yard. This neighbor boy has channeled a place that warms my heart for Isaac. A new found interest.

So here is the problem. This sweet polite boy happens to be the offspring of something straight out of the movie Species. His mom, I am 1000% scared of & I take shit from no one.

I have now seen her on more than one occasion completely freak out & start spitting phrases like "Come over here & I'll break your fucking face" or "I'll fucking cut you bitch, so help me god". I was hiding behind my car during the last incident...which describing it now sounds very silly but I was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time which = peace out.

First of all who really talks like that outside of prison or some Gangland documentary?

Jeri & I are both totally afraid of her because she is SUPER NICE to us & we are just waiting for the day she goes off the deep end. In case we suddenly end up in the hospital & there is no explanation...you might want to look at the two story next door, you might find fingerprints.

So do we let Isaac hang with the sweet boy who probably thinks whatever his mom does he should do the opposite & he will have a good life or do we limit the interaction?

His mom is not around much which is why I think he comes over but it makes me wonder if I start to limit the interaction will she get pissed at me then I'm caught in an uncomfortable situation of her wanting to cut me or break my face? I had braces people & like my smile broke & scar free.

This is uncharted territory for Jeri & I. We don't know many thugs or even people with thug like behavior. I'm snotty & proudly say NOT A FAN.