My fight or flight kicks in & I have a sudden wave of nervousness as we start pranayama breathing & within the 1st set the sweat is running, not dripping, off my elbows.
The Flight
Oh shit, I think to myself, it is going to be one of those classes today, great. Followed by the immediate thought of can I even handle this today & will they let me come back if I run out of the room screaming?
The Fight
I tell my practice as much as it wants to own me & yes, there are days it does 100% own me, has me leaving in tears owns me - I want to be here, I want to be strong in my body and in my mind. I recall how it heightens my ability to manage every other aspect in my life & do it collected and at peace. It reignites a competitiveness within myself in a way that only my high school basketball coach could channel.
I choose to stay & fight. I don't always win but I know I'm building something better.
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Amen! I feel the same way at times. I get in the car to go and think I am tired, oh its going to be so hot.... but I drive on, knowing that somewhere I will find the strength and make it through. I struggle sometimes, battling my own competitiveness, and don't complete all the flows... but it helps me to be able to complete the entire class. I try to be grateful, as they say, that I am there, working. --and when I leave, no matter who owned who in class, happy, calm, peaceful... and I try to be proud that I made it!!
ReplyDeleteI love you girls. Fight baby! The heat brings it all to the surface. The tears, fears, intense self-criticism and the I-am-fucking-woman-hear-me-roar, healing, peace. So glad I have you to understand the physical and emotional strength that has to be called upon to get through it some days. It might just be the best thing I have ever done for myself. We have a bond through our practice.
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