Accordingly to google I fall somewhere in between a 5 gallon bottle of water, an average human leg or the heart of an elephant.
All of these things are about 42 pounds.
A year ago I sat at the intersection of "I've always been big boned" & "I now weigh as much as I did when I delivered my children". What's sad about this is that he was 18 months (not days) old when this was said.
This was a LARGE problem...HA!
Fast forward 1 year of relearning how to live in a world of endless food & actually being able to shut my yap.
I have never been this size (8 BTW) in my adult life...hell not even in my teenage life. Everything is new, different, wonderful & way more mental than I thought it would be. So much more than weight came off.
I love this one way street & I'm determined to never leave it.
Tuesday, August 31
Thursday, August 19
KICK HARDER!!!!
I feel it creeping up. The water is right under my nose. I strain my neck to lift my head above it, to stay afloat, find my feet and stand tall.
I kick harder.
These past weeks have been wave after relentless wave. It is diligent in the effort to consume me, defeat me, break me.
I kick harder.
For the first time in 3 years I have been ROCKED back into a place that I swore to myself I would never go to again. This toxic stress that has driven every other aspect of my life for the past month leaves my sweet family asking "what's wrong mommy?" and "I'm concerned because this is how is started the last time."
I kick harder.
I sit here tonight with a level of uncertainty about what the next week will hold but I am optimistic that I am moving in the right direction & will be victorious.
I kick harder.
I feel a little like my old self tonight, for the first time in weeks. Might be the ear of a dear friend, the strength of a colleague, the impactful medicine of my baby boys, my watchful husband or pitching it all to the wind...the wine.
What ever it is it's working and allowing me to kick harder.
I kick harder.
These past weeks have been wave after relentless wave. It is diligent in the effort to consume me, defeat me, break me.
I kick harder.
For the first time in 3 years I have been ROCKED back into a place that I swore to myself I would never go to again. This toxic stress that has driven every other aspect of my life for the past month leaves my sweet family asking "what's wrong mommy?" and "I'm concerned because this is how is started the last time."
I kick harder.
I sit here tonight with a level of uncertainty about what the next week will hold but I am optimistic that I am moving in the right direction & will be victorious.
I kick harder.
I feel a little like my old self tonight, for the first time in weeks. Might be the ear of a dear friend, the strength of a colleague, the impactful medicine of my baby boys, my watchful husband or pitching it all to the wind...the wine.
What ever it is it's working and allowing me to kick harder.
Friday, August 6
Turn that frown upside down!
Today...I mean yesterday was rotten...actually it pretty much blew.
Work was a total life suck & the fact that I'm still awake thanks to the coffee I had to drink so I could finish my work tonight is the testament to how much yesterday was the exact opposite of ideal.
Yet, I'm happy, smiling ear to ear, in a worn out, lazy, droopie kind of way.
Around 6:30 tonight it started to slip & the anxiety started to win the war. The organization of vacation prep, packing, grocery shopping, wash & 2 kiddos on top of MUST get done work deliverables so I can actually go on that vacation I'm trying to prep for = perfect storm.
In a rare 30 second melt down of how all of it will never get done I'm told to go sit & work. Minutes later there are no kiddos at my feet, dinner is handled, the house becomes silent as grocery shopping is done, wash is done, bags are packed & my work tasks are beginning to be checked off. Tip of the cap to that Jeri, he brought the A game tonight.
Then my sweet Isaac who has been begging me to watch an episode of Phineas & Ferb for two days asked when it would happen before I left for the weekend. Biting my tongue with a smile I walked away from my PC to join him on the couch.
That little boy seems to know exactly what I need when I need it. We sat & laughed & my stress continued to melt away. I put him to bed & went back to work refreshed & focused...well let me not be crazy...maybe high on caffeine & determined would be a better description.
All has worked itself out as it always does. I am ready to take on Friday with an aggressive but slightly drained force!
Work was a total life suck & the fact that I'm still awake thanks to the coffee I had to drink so I could finish my work tonight is the testament to how much yesterday was the exact opposite of ideal.
Yet, I'm happy, smiling ear to ear, in a worn out, lazy, droopie kind of way.
Around 6:30 tonight it started to slip & the anxiety started to win the war. The organization of vacation prep, packing, grocery shopping, wash & 2 kiddos on top of MUST get done work deliverables so I can actually go on that vacation I'm trying to prep for = perfect storm.
In a rare 30 second melt down of how all of it will never get done I'm told to go sit & work. Minutes later there are no kiddos at my feet, dinner is handled, the house becomes silent as grocery shopping is done, wash is done, bags are packed & my work tasks are beginning to be checked off. Tip of the cap to that Jeri, he brought the A game tonight.
Then my sweet Isaac who has been begging me to watch an episode of Phineas & Ferb for two days asked when it would happen before I left for the weekend. Biting my tongue with a smile I walked away from my PC to join him on the couch.
That little boy seems to know exactly what I need when I need it. We sat & laughed & my stress continued to melt away. I put him to bed & went back to work refreshed & focused...well let me not be crazy...maybe high on caffeine & determined would be a better description.
All has worked itself out as it always does. I am ready to take on Friday with an aggressive but slightly drained force!
Monday, August 2
This Place
When I feel stress creep into my life, I close my eyes & I'm there in the canoe on a lake that looks like glass.
When I can't sleep at night & need to find a restful place, I close my eyes & I'm there on the pier listening to the wind in the trees.
When I miss my family so much it hurts & I can't breath, I close my eyes & I'm there flashing through 25 years of amazing memories.
When I miss my life long bestie and need her wisdom, peaceful ways & infectious laugh, I close my eyes & I'm there growing old with her on the porch like two old birds will.
Our cabin.
The root of our family tree. It is the one thing that continues to bring our family together when distance, time, money & choices do nothing but pull us apart.
This place cleanses my soul. It pulls my heart to the surface and forces it to thaw areas that have been frozen for years.
This place makes me face every situation I want to be 10 years old about.
This place allows me to pass on a different kind of life to my sweet desert subdivision babies.
So much more than sweet cabin love. So much more.
When I can't sleep at night & need to find a restful place, I close my eyes & I'm there on the pier listening to the wind in the trees.
When I miss my family so much it hurts & I can't breath, I close my eyes & I'm there flashing through 25 years of amazing memories.
When I miss my life long bestie and need her wisdom, peaceful ways & infectious laugh, I close my eyes & I'm there growing old with her on the porch like two old birds will.
Our cabin.
The root of our family tree. It is the one thing that continues to bring our family together when distance, time, money & choices do nothing but pull us apart.
This place cleanses my soul. It pulls my heart to the surface and forces it to thaw areas that have been frozen for years.
This place makes me face every situation I want to be 10 years old about.
This place allows me to pass on a different kind of life to my sweet desert subdivision babies.
So much more than sweet cabin love. So much more.
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